


It's Not A Test

by Velocity_Owl87



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friendship/Love, M/M, Male Friendship, Multi, Recovery, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-12
Updated: 2011-11-12
Packaged: 2017-10-25 23:30:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/276052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velocity_Owl87/pseuds/Velocity_Owl87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in that Jose's a librarian intent on outliving his past and not letting anyone in. Alex is an international student with his own dark past. Sergio, Danny and Sheldon want to see their friend happy and think maybe, just maybe, Alex is the key. Oh and Briere's couch and slurpees as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not A Test

**Author's Note:**

> Song title and song quoted by Snow Patrol. Basically, there are too few AU's in the hockey RPF world and hey presto! This showed up, since I like libraries. For some reason, Jose sort of showed up as the long suffering and awkward librarian with issues. I have tried to portray the issues of addiction and recovery as respectfully and accurately as possible. So on with the show!

  
  
_“Just say yes  
Just say there's nothing holding you back  
It's not a test  
Nor a trick of the mind, only love” Snow Patrol_

  
“I fucking hate Mondays.” Jose muttered to himself as he picked up the stacks of discarded teen fashion magazines and plunked them down on his cart. “Hate, hate, hate Mondays.”

Not only did he have to deal with feeling like a piece of meat as the freshmen co-eds giggled and stared at him and Sergio, he also had to deal with the mess left behind. And it was Danny’s day off, so he didn’t have the relief of his snide remarks to ease the dull spots of the days. He sighed heavily and went to pick up another pile of magazines, trying to lose himself in the task so that his annoyance would fade.

“You always say that, doesn’t it get old?” Jose jumped, his heart nearly in his throat when he heard that too familiar voice coming seemingly out of nowhere. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself down before he turned around to look at who had startled him.

“Sergio, if you value your life and your visa, you won’t ever sneak up on me again, is that clear?” Jose growled at the snickering student worker that was standing behind him with a pile of even more fashion magazines.

“That was mean, Pepe!” Sergio pouted, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he placed the magazines on the cart.

“Don’t call me Pepe either.” Jose replied automatically as he grabbed more magazines and added them to the haphazard pile that was building up on the cart. Sergio laughed softly as he tucked a strand of too long chestnut brown hair behind his ear.

“Why ever not, Jose? It suits you.” Sergio responded as he reached out and straightened out the precarious stack that the magazines had been placed in.

“That’s not my name and don’t even think about singing that song.” Jose warned him as he glared at his younger co-worker sternly over his black-rimmed glasses. Sergio closed his mouth and grinned cheekily as he walked over to another table to pick up more of the scattered magazines.

“You need a good seeing to, Jose.” Sergio sang out, swaying his hips as he walked over to the cart, magazines firmly in hand as he did so. Jose scowled.

“Sergio, sex isn’t the end all to be all of life and maybe it’s high time you learned that as well.” Jose shot back as he took the magazines from the irrepressible Sergio, who only laughed at Jose’s attempted chastising.

“Besides, how are you making out with that other exchange student there? What’s his name? Castiel or something?” Jose asked in a desperate attempt to direct the conversation away from his non-existent sex-life.

Although he wouldn’t admit it even under pressure, he did miss having both a partner and a regular sex life. But that pursuit of a relationship and pleasure had been the root of so many of his heartaches and complications. He had to admit that even when he woke up in need of an icy shower that it was much better than the painful alternatives he had lived through. The beginnings and middles were always fantastic. But once the afterglow and newness had worn off the protracted one night stands he had ended up in…it had always become a fucking nightmare.

He was probably the only person he knew that wasn’t afraid of ending up in hell. He had already lived through quite a few of them and had survived to tell the tale. So if the price to pay for having peace and a drama-free life was living alone in a too big house and relying on Mrs. Rosie Palmer and her five lovely daughters when the physical tension became too much to bear, he would happily pay it. Besides, he would never admit it to Sergio or Sheldon or Danny, but he more often than not lived vicariously through them and their romantic entanglements.

“His name is Iker Casillas and that one, is definitely giving me a run for my money.” Sergio sighed dramatically and put his hands on his hips. Jose stopped his work and crossed his arms in front of his chest. The library was dead at this time of the day and he wouldn’t admit it, but he actually was amused at Sergio’s tales of trial and tribulations when it came to trying to get this Iker Casillas fellow to notice him and realize that he and Sergio were soul-mates and meant to be.

“So get this. He walks in with that Russian boy…you know the one with the broken nose, but to die for eyes?” Sergio asked, making Jose frown as he tried to place Iker’s elusive companion.

Sergio sighed impatiently. “You know? The one he’s always with on Tuesdays? He’s huge, you can’t really miss him! And that nose! He looks like a gargoyle most of the time, but when he smiles…” Sergio got a soppy grin across his face as he remembered Iker’s companion and pretended to swoon over the cart.

Jose watched this while still racking his brain as to who it was that Sergio was drooling over. It wasn’t the blonde with the round baby-face studying architecture, he was sure. Or the older Forestry student with the sandy brown hair and piercing eyes. Nor was it the lanky dark haired business student. He was sure he would have remembered someone with such distinctive looks that Sergio was swooning over and those guys definitely weren’t in the gargoyle category.  
He sighed and finally shook his head, admitting defeat. Sergio frowns, but isn’t fazed at all. He just straightened up and went on with his story.

“So anyways, there I was, shelving books and he comes up to me and asks me where the history section is. So naturally, I take him there and I swear Jose, his eyes and his smile are to die for.” At this, Sergio broke off his story to sigh over the dream boy while Jose suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Yes, he had vowed to remain single but he didn’t think that he should be an asshole and piss all over Sergio’s romantic dreams. Besides, if he did, the Catalyunian had a passionate and mean streak a mile wide and he wouldn’t put it past Sergio to hide the stamps or lock the toilets until Jose begged for forgiveness.

“So did you get to say anything else to his dreaminess?” Jose asked as he began to straighten out the piles again. Not that they really needed it, but Jose figured if he kept his hands busy then he would be less tempted to be snarky about the situation. Sergio made an irritated noise at the question.

“I wish. I must be cursed, Jose! Because at that exact moment, I was accosted by that textiles student who won’t take the hint! I am cursed! Cursed!” Sergio cried, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Maybe you need to be more direct with her.” Jose soothed him, keeping his eyes on the magazines. He knew that if he looked up, he wouldn’t be able to help the smirk that was threatening to spread all over his face. It was true that Sergio didn’t exactly parade his preferences (Early in their acquaintance, he had once made Jose and Danny do a spit-take when he had announced that he was fluid and had proceeded to demonstrate by making out with both Danny’s ex and Sid Crosby on the dance floor) but now that he had set his sights on Casillas, he had taken pains to let the female admirers subtly realize that they were setting their sights on the wrong guy. Most had taken the hint. Except for an unlucky few, one of these exceptions being the textile student that seemed to irritate Sergio to no end. Jose himself had to admit that she was sort of aggravating with her hipster clothes and condescending attitude towards others she considered outside of her circle.

Sergio snorted inelegantly. “Jose, short of coming to work in drag, I don’t know what else I can do to get the message across that I am not into carpet munching at the moment.”

Sergio realized that had been the wrong thing to say when Jose’s face twitched several times as he tried to suppress his amusement at the words, but in the end, failed miserably despite his best intentions.

“Oh thanks. Thanks! Jose, I am pouring out my woes to you and all you do is laugh at me?” Sergio sputtered indignantly as Jose dissolved into fits of helpless laughter at the mental image of Sergio coming to work in a shirtwaist dress, stockings, heels and make-up with his hair curled and arranged as he had during drag night at Buddy’s. Sheldon still refused to speak of that night or why he had ended up with eyeliner smudges and a smirking Sergio climbing out of his car the next morning.  
“I’m sorry! I’m really sorry, but it reminded me of-”

“The drag contest at Buddy’s, yeah, I know.” Sergio cut him off, smiling slightly himself at the memory. “I swear, Jose. You really should maybe get out more and try-”

“Sergio, we’ve already played that tape to the end. I’m a douchebag magnet and that’s something you can’t really overcome. Besides, I’m too old to start again. Most people my age are either married, working on their first divorces or simply not up to standards. We’ve already discussed it.” Jose cut him off, not wanting to get into another discussion as to why Jose didn’t bother to really date anyone anymore.

Sergio frowned and exhaled noisily as he got back to work again.

“But…don’t you think you’re making it a certainty that you will be alone if you don’t try?” Sergio asked softly, making Jose wince with the earnestness with which the younger man asked him the question. Sergio was a hopeless romantic and was always optimistic that he was going to find his prince with a little luck and a little effort. He also believed that it was the same for everyone else as well. It was an endearing quality that Jose liked about the sunny Spaniard, since it made everyone feel better and more hopeful about everything. It was great to see him work his magic on others, but it made Jose uncomfortable to have it focused on him. Jose’s chances were long gone. He accepted that. But it didn’t seem that Sergio simply could do that.

“Sergio, sometimes being with someone doesn’t always work. Sometimes, it’s worse to be in a relationship. Especially when one of the persons in the equation is pretty broken and they’re better off alone to finish healing and that could take an entire lifetime. Not everyone is meant to be with someone and I’m one of those people. I know you mean well, but that’s how it is for me and I’m okay with it.”

Sergio nodded as he turned to bring another armful of scattered magazines back to the rack.

“I get it, but I just think that you’re not one of those people.” Sergio replied quietly. Jose gave him a twisted smile as he arranged the pile again.

“Sergio, you know my track record. Not to mention the charming bonus of being socially inept and a recovering alcoholic. The odds of me being someone’s prince are as good as you winning the lottery.” Jose joked as he wheeled the cart back to the magazine area with Sergio carrying the overflow in his arms.

Sergio sighed and shook his head. “I still think you’re wrong, Jose. There’s someone out there for you still and they will find you.”

Jose shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I’m going to tell Sheldon to NOT lend you anymore novels. You’ve been corrupted enough as it is.”

As he had expected, that had made Sergio laugh and had, for the moment, ended the discussion which had been Jose’s goal all along.

~*~*~*~*

The annoying blare from his alarm woke Jose up from one of the best sleeps he had in recent memory. He groaned and shot out a hand to shut the infernal beeping up before opening his eyes and rubbing his face with his hand. He really didn’t feel like getting up, despite enjoying his job most of the time, he really hated getting up in the morning. He wasn’t a morning person and wasn’t fully functional until at least three cups of tea or coffee later.

And getting up was always a struggle. He stopped rubbing his face and forced himself to get up and out of bed. He knew if he played the ten more minutes game he was going to really cut his time short and be rushed and that was something he hated more than mornings.

He stumbled into his bathroom and winced at the harsh brightness of the light once he had turned it on. He stood there for a few moments, taking in his narrow face and olive skin and noting how dead he looked in the middle of winter before he grabbed his toothbrush. Once he had brushed his teeth, he stripped off his boxers and the obscure band shirt Shel had bought for him in their mythical youth and jumped in the shower. Maybe that would wake him up more.

When the water poured over his head, he closed his eyes and leaned against the tiled wall, trying to not think of anything at all as the water warmed him up. It had been years since he had shared a shower with anyone, using their body heat to get warm when it took too long for the water to do it for them. He missed that, if he was honest with himself. He liked it when his hair was washed by someone else and he missed returning the favour to another person also.

His cock, already hard from the morning wood, twitched against his belly at the memories. He wasn’t even going to bother counting the months since he had had a proper shag either.

“Not now.” He muttered, pushing himself off the wall and grabbed the shampoo. But even though he was trying to get on with his morning, his cock had other ideas. By the time he had finished washing and conditioning his hair, his cock was rock hard and almost painful with it.

“Fuck this.” He muttered and grabbed himself. He closed his eyes and again dug deep into his memories for wank material.

 _She smiled up at him as she pushed her blonde hair, now wet away from her face. She smiled a lazy, heavy-lidded smile that made his insides turn to water. He smiled back and pulled her closer to him, enjoying the way that their bodies fit against each other. He bent his head to kiss her and moaned at the feel of her lips, the taste of her and how she was driving him out of his mind with lust._

 _She slid a hand in between their bodies and gave his cock a few quick strokes before guiding him to her entrance. He groans and pulls away from her to position himself so that in one smooth move, he’s inside her. He grabs her hips and she puts her hands on his shoulders to brace herself for the impact of him entering and pulling out of her._

 _“Ready?” He manages to rasp out as he tries to focus to ask this simple question. She nods, biting her lip as he pulls out almost all the way and moves his hips…  
_  
Jose frowned and opened his eyes. Although it was a nice memory, the time afterwards had tainted anything good that had come out of that relationship. And the last thing he wanted to do was go into work morose about a marriage that no matter how desperately he had tried, he simply could not save.

He searched his mental files and tried again. Hopefully this time he would hit upon an equally good memory, but one without such a painful aftermath.

 _“You’ve never done it in the shower? Are you serious?” Jose asked Maxim as they stood in his blue tiled shower stall. Maxim blushed and smiled his toothy grin as he shook his head._

 _“You want to try it?” Jose asked, a hint of teasing in his voice as he cupped Maxim’s tight ass and pulled him closer so that both their cocks touched._

 _“Yes.” Maxim breathed out once Jose grabbed his cock and started to pump it in the rhythm he knew that would make Maxim turn into a babbling idiot with very little effort._

 _“Ah!” Maxim breathed out as he grabbed Jose’s shoulder and dug his blunt-nailed hands into it as Jose moved his hand in quick, jerky strokes. Maxim didn’t last that long and in a few minutes, he had come all over Jose’s hand. It took a few moments of shuddering and quiet moaning for him to come back to himself. But when he did, the first thing he did was to slide down to his knees and take Jose completely into his mouth._

 _“Fuck yeah.” Jose breathed out as Maxim swirled his tongue expertly around the head of his cock and let his teeth gently scrape the underside of his shaft. It was a combination of sensations that drove him crazy with their juxtaposition. Maxim knew this and pushed it to the edge by humming as he continued in his efforts to blow Jose’s mind._

 _Despite his self-control, it was simply too much for Jose and he came, hard and messy in Maxim’s mouth not even two minutes after Maxim started humming.  
_  
Jose let out a soft cry, muffling most of it by biting his lip when he finally came. The bathroom walls were notoriously thin and he didn’t want to even think about his neighbours listening to him wank in the shower. Besides, it was bad enough that they still smirked at him after that marathon session with Price. And yeah, it was flattering in some ways, since he had never known he or Carey could get so freaking loud that the neighbours still remembered it. But it was also embarrassing since it had been almost a year since he had been sneaking anyone home in the dead of night.

Jose sighed and pushed the memories away and stepped under the spray of now warm water to finish his shower. He missed those nights, the ones where he was buzzed enough to have a pleasantly warm glow as he and his chosen companion stumbled and fumbled their way to his apartment. He missed how it felt, the excitement of hands and mouths fighting for purchase as he tried to quietly open the door to his apartment. The awkward tango of kicking off their shoes and stripping their coats and other clothes in a mad rush to be naked as they fell onto the bed. Then the pay-off of naked flesh and the inevitable cartography that followed before the intimacy and rawness of being together.

Yes, he missed all of this. He ached for it sometimes. Some nights so badly that he could and did cry with it. Yeah, sometimes, it got to be too much. He was learning to deal with it though and after painful months of loneliness, and a couple of ill-advised flings (one of them being with Price, who had promptly run back to his cheating girlfriend after he had gotten what he had come for) he had a reached a comfortable stage with himself and had learned to be alone, rather than just be lonely. And the more he looked around, the more he had realized that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Like Danny had said to him a long time ago, everyone was miserable no matter if they were in a relationship or not.

Jose mostly accepted his single status with grace. But some nights, that cold comfort wasn’t enough to dispel the ghosts of lovers past, that was for sure. Especially not when it seemed that hormones and relationships kept smacking him in the face with alarming frequency.

“Thanks a lot, Sergio and Sheldon.” Jose muttered as he reached over for the soap, hurriedly scrubbed himself clean and got out of the rapidly cooling water. He jumped out of the shower and dried himself. Once he was done, he walked into his bedroom and picked out his clothes. While he was getting dressed, he tried to keep his mind away from past lovers and the current situation outside of his home.

For the past month, Sergio had been doing his utmost best to capture Iker Casillas’ attention and hadn’t really gotten any further than some flirting. This was driving Jose nuts, since after every encounter with the shy education student, Sergio dissected their interaction to the minute details and more than once, Jose had been forced to hide out in the back rooms to avoid it. He loved Sergio, but the constant speculation of Iker’s mannerisms and words was hard to take. He was even tempted to corral the poor kid and beg him to date Sergio to spare his own sanity.

And then there was Sheldon, who uncharacteristically had ended up mooning over Ryan Miller, the business student who had turned out to be a wicked guitar player. This, they had both found out when Sheldon’s café had its Thursday open mike night and he had come in with Henrik Lundqvist, the Forestry student and the Russian Earth Sciences student that was playfully referred to as “Ovie”. This, coupled with his stark dark looks had won over Sheldon. So every time that they got together, Jose had to endure a more masculine version of Sergio’s parsing of subtext of the mysterious Ryan Miller. At least with Sheldon he could tell him to either suck it up or get the balls to ask the guy out before he directed Maxim towards Miller.  
He snickered to himself as he recalled the affronted expression of his oldest friend when he had made that suggestion. He usually didn’t make remarks like that, but maybe it was just the constant sexual tension surrounding him that pushed him to it. He had honestly thought that Sheldon would have just scowled at him and maybe ignored him for the rest of the evening and gone back to flirting with Ryan like he had been doing for the past three weeks. He hadn’t anticipated Sheldon throwing down the rag he had been wiping the counter with and stalking out towards Ryan, who had been packing up his equipment and pulling him into a lip-lock that was so scorching both of them had ended up falling on the couch right by the stage.  
After that, Sheldon had stopped going on about Ryan, but had gotten the permanent smugness of someone that had great sex on tap. And Ryan had started to show up more frequently at the library with the dazed look of the madly in love that Jose had seen only twice on Sheldon’s partners. It was endearing, but it had made both Sergio and Jose annoyed for different reasons.

He sighed and shook his head. Grabbing his keys and his travel mug, he stopped only to fill it up with freshly brewed coffee. Once he added some milk, he screwed on the top and left the house. Jose fished out his keys and went to his car all the while hoping that maybe today Sergio would finally get Iker to go out with him and he could finally get some damned peace  
.  
~*~*~*~*

Part 2  
Jose was covering the desk and covertly watching the clock while he arranged the returned books that needed to be shelved. Sergio was on his break and Danny was off doing some research for one of the professors in the Lit department and wouldn’t be surfacing for a few hours yet. There had been very few patrons that day and Jose was starting to get bored without Sergio’s continual chatter and Danny’s snarky comments. If he was honest, that was the only reason why he was actually finding work to do. He was sure that if he just sat at the desk he would just fall asleep from boredom. It was simply one of those days where no matter how much coffee he drank, he simply couldn’t stay awake if he stayed still.

He yawned and rubbed at his eyes. Maybe once he got a moccachino over lunch he’d get the jolt that he’d need for the afternoon. He looked at the clock again and stifled a sigh. Fifteen more minutes. He could do it.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose to drive the tiredness behind his eyes when he heard someone clear their throat to get his attention.

“Uh…sorry about that.” Jose apologized as he opened his eyes to look at his prospective patron.

“What can I do for you?” he asked as he studied his patron, who wasn’t the run of the mill student. For one thing, he was big. His hoodie strained across his broad chest and his hands were large and square. He also towered over him and it made Jose feel slightly intimidated.

For the other, he looked like a bruiser. He had a broad face with high cheekbones and a nose that looked like it had been broken at least twice. His mouth was long with a full bottom lip and numerous faint and old scars completed the picture. Not classically handsome, but with a rough charm all the same. But it was his eyes that made Jose’s chest flutter: almond-shaped, widely-set and the most perfect shade of Arctic blue that he had ever seen.

“Where the Earth Sciences section here?” he asked as he pulled out a crumpled syllabus from a heavily patched and decorated McKinley backpack that hung from his left shoulder, his voice low and accented with a hint of something Eastern European that Jose’s tired mind couldn’t pin down at that exact moment.

“I need books for my project.” He continued roughly as he pushed the paper over to Jose.

Jose skimmed the syllabus, digesting the seven titles that were printed on the stark white sheets and tried to recall exactly where the damned books were. Earth Sciences usually weren’t his area, but he recalled vaguely that the professor listed at the top had set aside said books for his class for a term project.

“Can you give me a second? I just have to look for them in the data-base because your professor set them aside for this project.” Jose told the student as he moved over the computer and began searching the database to see the provisos of the reservation.

The student didn’t even acknowledge him and instead pulled out his Iphone and started scrolling through it to check for messages. Although it irritated Jose, he tamped down his feelings and told himself that it was better than having someone outright display their impatience with his searching. And yes, it did sting to be dismissed so lightly, but he had gotten worse in his years at Cornwall.

Having reminded himself of that, he concentrated on his work and found the books and the proviso that had been typed by Danny and where to locate them.

“I’ll get the books for you, but I have to remind you that you can’t check them out and that all research has to be conducted on site as per your professor’s instructions.” Jose told him as he made a mental note of which shelves behind the desk Danny had tucked the books away in.

The student made a face at the instructions, but didn’t look up from his Iphone until he had finished typing out a text. Once that was done, he looked up and smiled a rueful smile that showed the hint of a missing front tooth.

“Then in that case…where your Russian-English dictionary?”

Jose smiled. Well, that explained the accent, at least. Still didn’t explain how such a tough character was doing at Cornwall. Oh well, it took all kinds, he supposed.

“I can show you that too.” Jose assured him as he turned to fetch the books for him. He came back with a sizeable stack and placed them on the desk.

“Here you go. I’ll take you to the dictionary section.” Jose offered impulsively as he watched the student easily scoop up the books without much effort.

“Good. Thank you.” The student then smiled at Jose, showing what probably had been a brilliant smile before the front tooth had been knocked out. Despite the imperfection, it was an infectious smile and Jose found himself returning it without hesitation. The student’s eyes widened, but he recovered so quickly that Jose had to wonder if it had just been a figment of his imagination and shrugged it off as he led him exactly to the Eastern European languages section.

“Here you go. If you need any more help just go to the desk.” Jose told him.

“You be there…ah! I not know your name. How I ask for help? Oh! I am Alex!” He exclaimed as he put his books on a nearby cart so that he could both look at the dictionaries on the shelf and offer his large hand for Jose to shake. Jose laughed softly at the gesture, but was oddly touched by it nonetheless.

“I’m Jose. Nice to meet you and uh, good luck with your project.” He replied as he shook Alex’s hand and tried to not notice how warm and strong his grip was. Alex grinned in response before he turned to the dictionaries, giving Jose his chance to exit and get back to the desk.

“Where were you?” Sergio asked Jose as he jumped over the partition door to greet him. “And why are you smirking like an idiot? Did you meet someone interesting?”

Before Jose could deny or confirm anything, Sergio’s eyes widened. Curious, Jose turned and saw Alex walking towards one of the carrels.

“Hi Jose!” he called out before he disappeared, making Jose’s face burn, since he didn’t want Sergio or Danny to find out about Alex and start teasing him mercilessly about the possibility of him being an option. Sergio turned to him and was about to say something when Jose basically fled calling out that he was on his lunch break figuring that at that point, discretion was the better part of valour.

Besides, it would give him time to figure out how to deal with the endless deluge of questions and teasing he knew were going to come.

~*~*~*~*  
Jose didn’t really expect anything to come out of that encounter. He met tons of different students and staff day in and day out and sometimes even developed some kind of relationship with them. He figured that even though Alex was intriguing, that was as far as anything was going to go. Not only was he part of the student body, he was probably younger than him by about a decade. Even if (and that was a big if) Alex was interested, Jose wasn’t interested in dating someone that he could have baby-sat when he had been in High School.

He’d already done that with Carey, Maxim, Sid and Letang. It had taken him awhile, but he had finally learned his lesson. He wasn’t going to repeat it even if Alex was somehow starting to become a fixture in his life. Like Sergio and Danny and Sheldon, he had somehow wormed his way into the section of his routine. When he didn’t see the younger Russian, the day was just a little flatter and a little duller the same way it was when he didn’t see Danny, or Sergio or Sheldon. He didn’t think much of the way that they gradually started talking about their likes and dislikes and sharing bits and pieces of their lives in odd intervals. Nor did he think much of it when he found himself accepting his clumsily worded invitation for coffee at Sheldon’s café during one of the infamous open mike nights that all the foreign students monopolized and went all out for.

He didn’t feel as if his world was on fire, or that the day just seemed a hundred times better if he saw and talked to Alex. Nor did it feel like it was going to end if he didn’t. Yes, it was nice to see him and sort of lame if he didn’t see Alex, but his entire mood or outlook on life didn’t simply depend on his presence. It was so different than it had been with everyone else that he more or less missed the signs until his friends oh so helpfully decided to clue him into the possibility that Alex probably liked him more than just a casual friend.

“Is your man coming today? It’s Tuesday, so I figured I’d ask.” Danny asked, a big smirk on his face as he rapidly typed up the reserve requests that Jose hadn’t been able to get to that day.

Jose scowled at Danny and threw a wadded up chocolate wrapper in his direction. Danny easily ducked it and then threw it in the bin beside his desk, making Jose’s scowl deepen.

“I don’t have a man, no matter what you or Sergio think.” Jose replied tersely as he got back to writing what seemed like the latest of thousands of emails that needed to be sent out that day. He typed a couple of lines before he turned to look at Danny.

“Besides, why are you all convinced that just because Alex needs research materials he’s suddenly my soul mate?” Jose asked, his voice holding more than a trace of irritation as he spoke.

Danny stopped smirking and actually looked at Jose, rather than just staring at his computer screen.

“He could be that, if you would look deeper than you have been.” Danny paused and Jose could see that he was trying to find the words to get his point across. “It’s not just me. But Shel and Ryan and even the Spanish boy have noticed Alex likes you.”  
Jose smiled wryly at that. “Sergio’s judgement isn’t to be trusted. He thinks that any guy who talks to me for more than a few minutes fits that description.”

Danny gave Jose a long look over his reading glasses. “I wasn’t talking about Sergio, Theo. I was referring to Iker, Alex’s friend.”

Jose blinked at Danny, his emotions going from glee to plunging terror as Danny’s words hit him. Even Iker had noticed? Iker, who seemed oblivious to anything other than academics happening around him noticed?

“Fucking shit.” Was all he could whisper as he sat back in his chair and slumped down in it. “This proves it. He is a douchebag. Most normal guys would be three provinces away by now.”

Danny laughed. “Only you would be dismayed at the possibility of a guy like Alex finding you attractive enough to date.”

“Or fuck.” Jose added tersely. Danny sighed. Although he liked Jose and could, on most days, get along with him perfectly well…the self-deprecation was a little hard to take sometimes.

“Even though you probably won’t believe me when I tell you this, I don’t think it’s fair for you to put the guy in the same category as Crosby, Letang and Price. Everyone could see that they were douchebags!” Danny exclaimed.

“And give us all some credit. If he was in that category of douchebaggery, we wouldn’t even let you near him.” He added and then wrinkled his nose. “We all learned our lesson with the other three.”

“Everyone except me, it seemed.” Jose reminded him quietly, making Danny cringe and his usually pale face flush in mortification once he realized what he had just said.

“If it makes you feel any better, you weren’t exactly all there for a while, so give yourself a break. It’s different now. Don’t let all those jerks define your future for you, dude.” Danny pointed out as he pushed his glasses up his nose.

Jose grimaced, but didn’t respond. How could he? They both knew Danny was right. Both he and Sheldon had been there for most of the really ugly parts when Jose’s partying had spiralled from harmless weekend fun to something that nearly cost him everything.

Jose shrugged and turned back to his email. Danny watched him for a few moments before stifling a sigh and returning back to his own work. He knew from experience if he prodded Jose more, he would simply shut down and get mulish about the situation and probably do the exact opposite just to prove a point. Especially when he was convinced that he was doing the right thing.

They had been typing in silence for a good half hour before the conversation picked up in the same place that it had left off.  
“Would you pursue it, if you were in the same situation?”” Jose asked, his fingers still flying over his keyboard as he typed.

Danny paused in his own typing and rubbed the back of his neck as he gave the question some thought before he replied.

“Honestly? Yeah. I would.” Danny answered as he sat back in his chair and propped his feet up on his desk.

Jose stopped typing and looked at his friend curiously. “Why?”

“Let’s see here. Okay, he’s decent and treats his friends well. I’ve not seen him stand up any of those guys he hangs around with. He doesn’t leave his carrel a mess when he’s done and always is grateful when you help him. He’s trying to get to know you as a person, instead of a potential lay. He actually talks to you and doesn’t hide your connection and he isn’t pushing you into anything you’re not ready for. He actually is trying to get you and he respects you. And you didn’t meet him in a bar when both of you were stumbling drunk. Good enough reasons?”

Jose actually winced when he heard all of the reasons, and despite it making Danny feel a bit bad for being so blunt, the memory of Jose’s abject misery in his ill-fated forays squelched that emotion pretty fast. He had lost count of how many times he had been there to offer tea and sympathy whenever the latest fling had forgotten to call him back, or stood him up, or had shown up with his new girlfriend. Danny’s hands itched at a still unfulfilled desire to punch Price for the last one. That had been the prelude to a fucktastic day that even though had helped Jose to hit rock bottom and get his shit in order, hadn’t been a pleasant day to get through.

“Yeah…they are.” Jose replied, his voice too forced as he spoke. “I guess that was in short supply when I got involved with someone before, huh?”

“Look, Jose. Maybe I came off as harsh, and I’m really sorry. You’re one of my best friends, and I don’t want to seem as if I am rubbing your nose into your mistakes. Or pressure you to do something that you’re scared or uncomfortable in doing. Sheldon, Ryan, Sergio and I and even Iker know this. We all want what’s best for you. It’s just that you’ve been alone for so long, and this guy maybe good for you, and it would be a shame to give up the opportunity because you’ve made mistakes in the past.”

Jose nodded, but his eyes were avoiding Danny’s. “Yeah, I know. I’m not hurt. Just mad at myself cause I wasted so much time on douchebags, that’s all. And then I got used to being alone…” he trailed off and shrugged his shoulders. “It’s just hard to hope that anything good will happen, you know?”

Danny nodded. “Yeah, I get you. But you won’t know until you try. You can guarantee no one will hurt you by hiding away. But then you won’t ever know if there could have been someone you could love because you avoided being hurt. And with Alex, he’s different. Even if it doesn’t go into relationship territory…it doesn’t hurt to make new friends.”

Jose swallowed hard and nodded. “Yeah, I get you. Uhm…I guess I’ll think about it or something.”

Danny smiled. “Good. You do that.”

Jose returned the smile and both of them went back to work. It wasn’t quite the positive affirmation that Danny was looking for…but it was a start.

  
Part 3

“So what are you going to do about Ovie? I mean…you’re seeing him today, cause it’s Tuesday, right?” Sergio asked Jose two weeks after Alex and Jose had fallen into the pattern of meeting up for coffee at Sheldon’s place Tuesday and Thursday.

Jose turned to look at Sergio, who was carefully taping up a hard-worn copy of a poetry anthology on one of the backroom worktables. Jose was at the other one, slotting new magazines in protective binders while keeping an eye on the circulation desk. It was Danny’s turn to man the desk, but he had declared a “Slurpee emergency” and had rushed off to the campus food court. Jose didn’t mind since it was mid-afternoon and their quiet time, which gave them ample opportunity to catch up on the repair work and prepare for the afternoon rush.

“Keep meeting him for coffee?” Jose asked, making Sergio pause in his work and look at Jose before he leapt up and embraced Jose enthusiastically.

“What the…?” Danny asked as he entered the room holding a cardboard cup holder with three medium sized Coke slurpees in it. Despite being almost inured to outbursts of craziness ever since he and Jose had been hired at Cornwall, there were still a few things that could take Danny by surprise. And catching Sergio trying to molest Jose in joy was one of those things.

“Danny, I need an adult here!” Jose called out to his colleague as he tried to untangle himself from Sergio, who was so excited that he had forgotten his English and was now heaping praises upon Jose in rapid-fire Catalan instead.

“Sergio, stop climbing all over Jose and get back to work. Come on, we could have patrons!” Danny chided Sergio, putting down the cardboard cup holder on the nearest table before prying him off Jose and walking him to the desk area. Jose sighed in relief and resumed his work, his mind clearing out the quiet murmurs of Danny and Sergio speaking.

Although he could understand why Sergio was so excited, it was still unnerving to be snuggle-molested by his co-worker and friend. Especially since it was in correlation with Jose finally getting some kind of romantic life started after not doing anything in that category for a couple of years.

He snorted when the thought crossed his mind. If he was honest, he wasn’t even sure if what he had with Alex was a prelude to an actual relationship. He was…confused, to say the least. Especially since he simply couldn’t pick up what Alex was expecting from him.

Jose couldn’t read him, like he could read all the others he had been with. With Maxim, it was obviously just supposed to be a fling. The awe and lust in his eyes when they had spoken to each other at Danny’s place that night. The way that Maxim had practically plastered himself against him when they were on their way to the spare room that only a few people had the key to didn’t need any more explanations. He had caught on right away what he was supposed to do.

It could have been perfect if he had been able to read the rest of the signals that Maxim had sent later: the short replies, the disappearing for days at a time and lastly the avoidance of Jose until he had simply deleted Maxim’s number from his cellphone and gone out to drown his sorrows…

…And had landed Carey Price after a few hours of dancing and drinking under Danny’s watchful stare. A stare that he now understood he should have heeded. But he was too hurt and too proud and so down on himself after yet another disappointingly dismal failure to keep a partner that he had ignored the warning it contained. He used to wish that he had been smarter and had listened that night. Or that he hadn’t drunk so much. Or that he hadn’t gone out in the first place and just hung out at Sheldon’s café and helped out in exchange for being listened to while he bitched about his extraordinarily bad luck at picking someone.

Jose used to play that game a lot during that summer, but in the end, let it go. There wasn’t a point in rehashing his mistakes. He fucked up, and that was the end of it. He had learned that much after hanging out in basements and talking to other people with similar issues. Not to mention being forced to be honest and dragged through the suggestions that he knows he has to follow, because that was what he agreed when he stepped into that church basement mid-November two years ago.

Thinking about that made him grimace slightly, since he didn’t know how he was going to bring that particular aspect of his life up with Alex. That was also another reason why he had not really pursued a relationship since he had stopped using.

Yes, he had tried once and that had been horrible and embarrassing for both of them. Carey’s return hadn’t done anything to make him more confident in that department. That awkwardness and a horrible set of miscues from another possible partner had convinced Jose that it was probably for the best to be alone and just enjoy hanging out with his friends.

“Uh…yeah…” he muttered to himself as he paused in his work. How would that conversation go if it were to come up? He shook his head and looked down at the glossy magazine and the plastic binder to push the thought away. He honestly didn’t know and he didn’t want to think about it, because part of him wanted to keep it quiet. But he knew that eventually, he had to explain himself to his family, friends and to other people.

He wasn’t ashamed. In fact, when he thought about what he was like when he was using, that brought him more shame than having to admit he went to meetings for his addictions. Yes, he’d cleaned up so many parts of his life and repaired a lot of broken friendships and whatnot and joining a step program had been the best thing he’d ever done. He’d been lucky that everyone had been quite supportive in his quest to get his shit together. But he also knew that not everyone would be thrilled to date a recovering alcoholic and junkie.

Especially not while going through University, which tended to revolve around getting plastered and nursing hangovers when not actively at a job or academics. Alex was Russian, and the Russians he had contact with loved their booze. It could very well be a breaker in their relationship.

Jose stopped and bit his lip as he went back over that thought. A relationship? Him and Alex?

It led him back to wondering if sitting around while drinking coffee and talking about hockey and literature, comic books, obscure movies and pop culture and stuff from their childhoods was the progression to the actual commitment part of it. Well, if he was honest, it was more him telling Alex stuff about his childhood, since it was a good six years before Alex’s and contained a hell of a lot of different things than the average Canadian’s. Alex didn’t seem to mind though, since he was the one always making sure that there was always going to be another meeting and stealing Jose’s phone to program his number into it and texting him every day at least once.

He laughed softly again and shook his head, his hands resuming the busy-work. It felt like the path to friendship, if anything.

It wasn’t a bad thing, since Alex was funny and deep and an all-around nice guy to be around. Maybe a bit too hyper sometimes, but it was part of his charm. And Jose knew that he couldn’t stay in a mood whenever they were together, and Alex got a bit more serious in return. More centered and he needed to be centered, since he tended to get distracted easily.  
Jose didn’t blame him though. Alex had a lot of things on his plate: his Earth Sciences courses, tutoring and his hockey career with the Cornwall Golden Bears. He’d mostly ignored the Varsity sports scene for all the time he’d been working at Cornwall, but once he found out that Alex was a Left Winger for the team, he’d found himself reading up on him. Secretly, of course, because he knew that Danny and Sergio wouldn’t ever let him live it down if they found out.

He had been impressed and intrigued. Especially when he came across an article speculating on why Cornwall had let him in on a scholarship, despite his English not being completely up to par. Especially not when he had played for the KHL prior to that. The article had a lot of hints about his possible dark past and had made the snide conclusion that they had let him in to get a better chance at winning the University Cup since they had been slumping in the last couple of years.

Jose had filed the knowledge away and had instead focused on Alex now. Not what he had done and not what he would do in the future. Alex hadn’t mentioned any of it and had given the barest sketches of his hockey life. He had been more forthcoming about his childhood in Moscow and all the changes that he had seen go through. Jose figured that it would eventually come up, but he didn’t really care. He had a good feeling about Alex and besides, he just knew Alex now and that was all they had anyway, as has been constantly drilled into his mind.

“Jose? Hey, earth to Jose.” Danny’s voice brought him back to earth, and he turned around to look at his friend and co-worker.

“What’s up?” Danny asked Jose as he pushed the slurpee, its sides wet with condensation, toward his friend. Jose took it and wrapped his lips around the straw, sucking down the Coke flavoured slush and shrugging as he did so.

“Thinking about Alex.” Jose finally admitted once he pulled the straw out of his mouth. Danny’s eyes widened at the answer, even though he had gotten the gaps filled in from Sergio once he had gotten the Catalyunian calmed down enough so that he could explain and get back to work at the desk.

He didn’t pry or ask any questions in case Jose got scared off. If he was admitting that he was thinking about the Russian, then it was a sign that Jose was starting to get serious about them possibly going somewhere. So he waited until Jose got his thoughts together and shared them with him.

“How long have we been going for coffee, him and me?” Jose asked Danny, making him blink as he was taken aback by the question.

“Altogether, you mean? I think about a month and a half. Two months. Why?” Danny replied as he rifled through his mental calendar for the answer. He knew that they met on Tuesdays and Thursdays, because the weekends were set aside for his recovery work. The rest of the time was work and meeting up with him and Sergio and Sheldon and some other volunteer work.

“He hasn’t asked me about sleeping with him. Not once and it’s weirding me out. I can’t read him on that. Not like I used to with Letang and Sid and Maxim and Carey. I just don’t know where it’s going. Like if we’re just friends or if something else is going to happen.” Jose blurted out, clearly puzzled at the way that things were going with him and Alex.

Danny had to turn his head away to hide his smile, because he knew that it was a legitimate concern for Jose. Most of the time, he had jumped into bed with his partners first and then did the mating dance. Although extremely smart in other aspects, dating and social interactions were always a bit skewed, because he was always second-guessing himself and nervous as hell.

“That’s actually how things work out in these situations. At least it did for me and my ex and for me and Claude.” Danny explained calmly, making Jose nod and take another pull of his slurpee.

“So what do I do? Like is there a time when I bring up the possibility of us sleeping together?” Jose asked, the words slightly mumbled as he chewed on the straw.

“You don’t bring it up. You’ll just know when the time is right for it to happen. Sex isn’t what a relationship should be built on. Yes, it’s nice and it’s part of it, but it’s not the end all to be all. Trust me on this. It will happen if it’s meant to happen.” Danny explained, hoping that he had put it all in the plainest and simplest terms he could for his friend.

“Okay…then…uhm…so when should I tell him I’m a recovering alcoholic?” Jose all but mumbled, his shoulders hunching up to his ears and his eyes on the table as he asked the question. At this, Danny winced and took a long pull on his slurpee as he thought about how to approach that subject.

“I mean…I’m not ashamed that I’m in a program. Hell, if I wasn’t in it, I’d be dead. It’s done a hell of a lot for me…it’s just that…if it makes or breaks what we could have…I just don’t know…”

Jose’s voice trailed off and Danny put his slurpee down before he walked over to his friend and put his hand under Jose’s chin to tilt his face up so that he was looking straight at Danny.

“If he’s a decent dude, and he has proven that over and over again, he’s going to understand you’re trying to live a better life. If he can’t deal, then he wasn’t worth it, no matter how good he appears. But a word of advice, don’t push it. It’s like sex; don’t spring it up on him until you’re both ready, ok?” Danny asked Jose, hoping and praying that he had given his friend the right advice in the situation.

Danny understood why Jose was so gun shy about telling people he was in a step program. There was too much stigma attached to addiction, despite it happening to so many people all over the world. Ironically enough, when Jose had been out partying and self-destructing, not too many people would have shunned him. A lot of them simply looked the other way, and he had to admit that until he and Sheldon saw the damage first hand, they too had been content to believe Jose was just really into partying. It wasn’t that they couldn’t see it happening, but that they couldn’t believe that it was happening. Not to their friend. Not to their Jose.

And when Jose looked at Danny with such a wide-eyed look, it again made his heart clench when he remembered the mad dash that he and Sheldon had made in the middle of the night after they had found Jose. How the hospital smelled and how he and Sheldon had to browbeat the doctor into giving them any information and the long wait that followed after. He still couldn’t drink coffee without remembering the endless cups that he and Sheldon inhaled to keep awake in case…He shook off the memories and instead focused on the fact that Jose was nervous and needed some encouragement.

“You’ll do fine. Just…don’t think about it too much and let it flow, okay?” Danny asked him, feeling a bit like he was talking to one of his kids. He felt sort of bad about it, but when Jose’s deer in the headlights look disappeared and a look of determination replaced it instead; it made the feeling go away.

Danny smiled and ruffled Jose’s hair affectionately before he moved away towards his computer. Jose returned the smile and took a short break from the work to drink a bit more of his slurpee and zoned out a bit before he started back into work again. Danny groaned as he jiggled the mouse. No doubt there were probably more emails piled up into his inbox and other requests and whatnot to take care of. He took longer pulls on his slurpee and sat down to see what backlog he would have to slog through until the rush got to be too much and he had to go out there and help.

He had just gotten into a working rhythm, as had Jose, when it was broken by a tentative “Hello?” that made both Jose and Danny pause in their tasks and look up at the speaker.

“Millsy? Hey, what’s up?” Jose and Danny greeted him, curious as to why he’d come to the back, since most of the time he showed up when not studying, he was content with shooting the shit with Sergio until either Jose or Danny showed up.

Millsy smiled a weak smile in Danny’s direction before he swallowed visibly. Danny rose from his desk and walked up to Jose and Millsy. He didn’t know why, but he knew it wasn’t just a social visit that had brought him to the library.

“What’s wrong, Millsy?” Danny asked, moving closer to Jose in case Millsy was there to deliver shitty news regarding Alex and dashing Jose’s fragile hopes again and breaking him forever.

“It’s Alex…he got beat up pretty bad this morning…some 1st years found him…he’s been kind of in and out…but he wants to see you. Will you come?”

~*~*~*~

Part 4

Jose walked through the halls of King George V hospital in a daze. He had been here almost two years ago to the day and the memory of that visit was overlapping with this current one. Even though he was close to freaking out, his friends beside him and the coin he kept rubbing between his fingers were keeping him grounded enough for him to keep on moving rather than running away to the nearest liquor store like he used to. Or finding the guys with the best pot and enduring listening to bullshit until he got lost into the randomness of his thoughts so that he would have some escape from what was in front of him. He was past that, even though he was scared as hell, and he was being called to actually be there for someone that he considered a friend, a possibly close one, and maybe even a partner someday.

They headed to the room that the information desk had given to them once they had identified themselves and Millsy had confirmed that all of the international students had agreed to name each other as their contact and next of kin in case of emergencies.

“Alex named me and Iker as his contact and kin, that’s why we got the calls first. They tried to get numbers from his Iphone, but it was broken to shit.” Millsy was explaining as they walked past nurses, other patients and family members to get to Alex’s room, which seemed to be on almost the other end of the ward or something.

Jose winced at Millsy’s words, since it confirmed a niggling fear that had been building up ever since he had gotten almost no information on Alex’s family and after he had found that article. It wasn’t a mugging then, because they would have taken the phone rather than destroy it. He didn’t want to voice his opinions on the matter until there was a more rational explanation about the situation. But it still made him wonder if that nagging suspicion was correct.

He had to push his thoughts away when Millsy abruptly stopped. He heard Sheldon hiss and Danny swear softly under his breath. There were a couple of RCMP officers and a plainclothes detective, all of them writing in their notebooks as they talked to the nurse on duty and a sullenly watchful Iker.

“Shit.” Sheldon muttered. Even though his teenage hellion years were over, there was no love lost between him and the RCMP, and he never reacted well to seeing them near. It was just an old instinct that was never going to die in him, no matter how many years passed.

“Don’t say anything. Let me and Josie handle it.” Danny muttered right back as he pulled Jose, who was giving him the side-eye at being called by his nickname, forward to figure out what was going on.

“Can we help you?” one of the officers asked, but was interrupted by Iker moving forward and pulling Jose into the room.  
“Hey, excuse me-”one of the nurses interjected, but was cut off by Iker’s glare, which was a powerful weapon when he chose to employ it.

“His lover need to see him.” Iker spat out before he pushed Jose inside and closed the door behind him. “You want to talk? We still talk.”

Jose heard the words and despite the situation, smiled slightly and sent out a small prayer that Iker would finally say yes to Sergio’s advances and make him happy. He was a solid guy and his actions had just made his estimation rise in Jose’s eyes. He heard the conversation start again, but he ignored it in favour of Alex, who was lying still on the bed.

“Alex.” He breathed out the name as he came closer to the bed. His heart twisted in his chest as he looked down at the still figure on the bed and tried to ignore the medical paraphernalia around the bed. Even though Alex was taller and broader than Jose, he looked smaller somehow as he lay in the bed. He had a bloodstained bandage round his head and one eye was patched up. His nose was splinted and his lip was split. The rest of his face was covered in cuts and bruises, making him look awful.  
His left arm was in a cloth sling and wrapped tightly against his bruised chest. Jose winced when his eyes travelled down to Alex’s torso, since some of the bruises were clearly foot-shaped and it made him wince when he could make out tread marks in the livid skin. The rest of Alex was thankfully hidden under blankets and Jose pretended that he didn’t see any of the tubes or wires that were attached to Alex.

He bit his lip to stop the surge of emotion in his chest at the sight of Alex’s injury and how he still looked uneasy despite being unconscious. Jose didn’t want to really think about what that could probably mean, but he knew all he wanted to do was to soothe him in some way. He guessed that was why he leaned down and lightly ran his knuckles across the few uninjured parts of his face.

Jose didn’t honestly know how long he repeated the motion. He only knew that it had been longer than just a few minutes when Alex finally opened his unpatched eye. Jose thought that his heart had stopped when he saw Alex look around slowly, his face scrunched up in worry as he tried to place his surroundings before he finally found Jose.

“You came? How you know?” Alex asked in a clogged voice, his expression going from worry to happiness at the sight of Jose.

“Millsy came to the library. Said you were in hospital.” Jose replied quietly. Alex nodded, but froze in mid-action and winced.  
“Ouch. Not a good idea, to do that.” Alex commented ruefully as he shakily raised his right hand and rubbed his forehead in an effort to ease the headache. “Not gone, but better.”

“Do you know who would do this to you?” Jose asked, his knuckles again brushing the sides of Alex’s high cheekbones.  
Alex frowned and started chewing on his lip, stopping when the pain hit him.

“I have a guess.” He answered carefully after a few minutes of silence. Jose nodded, but didn’t press any further. Alex would either tell him or not in time.

“Did you tell the cops?” Alex looked at him as if he was crazy.

“What can they do? Nothing. Cops are the same everywhere: useless. They cannot help.” Alex answered, his voice weary all of the sudden as if he had expended what little energy he had left.

“So what are you going to do?”

Alex shrugged his good shoulder. “Drop out. Maybe try out for an AHL team and go NHL. Get away from here. They found me now. Not safe.”

Jose felt his mouth going dry at Alex’s words. That certainly wasn’t the answer he was expecting from Alex. But when he remembered the article and the broken phone, he had to admit that his suspicions about Alex’s attack had to be right.  
“Who found you? The Mob? You tangled up in some Eastern Promises type shit or something?”

Alex’s face turned white at that and he pressed his lips so tightly together that he opened the split in his bottom lip, making dark bloody beads well up under the fresh scab.

“How you know? Never told anyone why I came here.” Alex whispered after he was able to get himself under control.

“I just guessed. I mean…I read an article that talked about you coming here…and you never really speak about your family. You just talk about Moscow very generally. And…and they broke your phone.” Jose finished, feeling kind of like a child at the last part.

Alex blinked. “You guess because of broken phone?”

Jose nodded. “I know. I know. But…” he sighed as he finally sat down on the chair next to Alex’s bed. He looked down at his hands before he explained.

“I got jumped once and we fought, the guy and I, so he didn’t take anything from me. But it was impersonal. My bag was ripped and I had a black eye and bloody nose…but everything was safe. They took their time with you. They really wanted to hurt you and cut you off from your friends. If it wasn’t personal, they would have stolen your phone. They would have worked you over…but not to this extent.”

“You not so innocent boy after all.” Alex noted in wry amusement, making Jose look up and give him a half-hearted smile.

“Alex…I haven’t been either of those things in a very long time.” Jose told him, making Alex laugh briefly before he hissed in pain.

“You? Not innocent? You kidding?” Alex asked once he was able to speak again. Jose nodded and dug into his pocket for the coin that he had been toying with earlier.

“No. I’m an alcoholic and an addict. I…uh…I stopped two years ago after I nearly died from a coke overdose when I was with the last guy I let fuck me.” Jose blurted out as he pulled out the coin and showed it to Alex, who took it and looked at it in interest, his expression neutral as he looked at it.

“Uhm…it was actually in this hospital that it happened. It scared Danny and Sheldon something awful, since I was living with Sheldon at the time and he found me in the bathtub and called the ambulance. I woke up to him holding my hand and Danny praying that I wasn’t going to die. I went to my first meeting as soon as they let me out.” Jose finished as Alex handed it back.  
“So I understand why you’d not say anything about your past. Even though being clean is the best thing that’s happened to me…it’s not something that I want to announce on the CBC. Some people just really wouldn’t understand.” Jose finished off as he looked at the two year coin and stuffed it in his pocket again. Silence fell between them and when it stretched out for too long; Jose started to wonder how he was going to be able to sneak out of Alex’s room with most of his dignity intact. He knew that it wasn’t the best time to spring it on him…but if Alex was sharing his deepest secrets with him, he felt that it was only fair to share his and not have anything stand in between their relationship.

Jose had just made up his mind to simply wish Alex a speedy recovery and a good life when Alex finally spoke again.

“Why not? If it make you happy and good…what’s wrong with it?” Alex asked, making Jose blink at the unexpected question.

“Just mean I not drink before we kiss. It not as bad as having Russian Mob beat you up because your brother fall behind on payments after he buy a house and I not play in NHL yet to help pay.” Alex explained his gaze on the far wall as he explained the rest of his circumstances. He shifted it to Jose and continued “You still here after I tell you. Why you think it different after you tell me you not drink anymore?”

“Yeah…that is true…” Jose conceded slowly. “So is that why you didn’t say anything before?”

Alex shrugged. “I was scared that it was…very big thing. Not many people take news good. And I scared they hurt anyone I tell. I…like you, very much. I want to...” he trailed off and swallowed hard, and Jose thought for a moment that he had forgotten to breathe.

“You…uhm…you want to be with me?” Jose asked softly. “Since when?”

Alex grinned. “Since first time I see you. I text Millsy and Iker about cute guy in library when you help. I was scared I look like…how you say…a derp? When you help me. ”

Jose laughed at this and reached over to take Alex’s hand. “That’s okay. I’m kind of a derp too.”

Alex laughed quietly at that and pulled his hand loose so that he could reach up and touch Jose’s face. “I know people hurt you. Before I come. Sergio tell Iker you stay alone because you not want to hurt again. That why I not tell you. I don’t want to hurt you like them. I want to make you happy.”

Jose felt himself turn hot and then his stomach clench painfully as he heard Alex’s confession as he stroked Jose’s cheek. It wasn’t that he was angry or embarrassed about Sergio telling Iker about his crap dating life. No. That was common knowledge in his circle of friends. What made his stomach churn and his face burn was finding out that Alex really was a decent guy. That he understood what Jose had gone through and was willing to take it slow and put the effort in to get to know him and build something solid before he pushed for a more serious connection. This was the kind of man he had despaired of meeting and now that he was there, with him, Jose was stunned.

“Jose?” Alex asked, cutting into Jose’s thoughts and bringing him back to the present.

“I would like that. To be happy with you and to make you as happy as well. I want this, and I want it with you.” Jose admitted, making Alex’s face brighten up. Jose looked at him closely and without any real thought behind his part, Jose leaned over and kissed Alex. It wasn’t a perfect kiss, nor was it aggressive, but it conveyed everything that was in Jose’s heart at the moment. It was all lips and tongue, soft, gentle and warm as Jose sought entrance and Alex responded in kind. He tasted all of Alex, explored and mapped all of his mouth and memorized the taste of him as their tongues rubbed together.

It would have been an amazing first kiss for both of them if it hadn’t been for the unmistakeable sound of a flash and a picture being taken. Jose pulled away from Alex and felt his face go cold, then hot as he saw Danny shoving his Iphone in his pocket and grinning like a fool.

“Sergio made me promise, Josie. We had fifty bucks riding on you guys finally kissing, so I gotta bring proof back. So uhm…Congratulations and sorry at the same time.” Danny explained as he entered the room and was followed by Iker, Millsy and Sheldon, who all crowded around the bed and stared at the newly minted couple with expressions ranging from proud, teary and happy for Jose and Alex.

Jose turned away and buried his head in Alex’s neck, while Alex laughed softly, careful to not aggravate his ribs any further.  
“You save picture, _da_?” Alex asked, clearly amused while Jose groaned.

“Believe me, you will get blown-up copies, if that’s what you want.” Sheldon assured him. Jose pulled away from his boyfriend and glared at all his friends. But he was cut off from making any comment when the nurses and doctors came in.

“Mr. Ovechkin needs to rest now. And the RCMP wants to talk to you again. You can see him later and we can also discuss what to do later.” The head doctor told them, his tone neutral as he basically ordered them out.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” Jose asked Alex as he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Alex’s forehead.

“ _Da. Ya lyublyu tebya_ , Jose.” Alex whispered, making Jose flush with pleasure at the words that he didn’t understand, but somehow knew the meaning of.

“Me too.” Jose replied before he pulled away and walked out of the room with his friends, leaving Alex to the medical staff while they went to face the police.

~*~*~*~*~  
Monday had come and gone and Jose found himself squinting up at the bright winter sun as he made his way to Danny’s house as he had been doing without fail the last couple of weeks. Alex had moved in for both practical and safety reasons, since he needed help due to his injuries and the police didn’t want his attackers to trace him to the dorms he had been living in. Although Jose had initially wanted Alex to move in with him, Danny pointed out that since Roo worked at home, it made more sense for Alex to move in to their rec room. He had agreed that it made sense, but Jose secretly had to wonder if Danny and Sheldon were still simply trying to save him from himself.

He hummed quietly to himself as he pulled out his keys and unlocked Danny’s front door. He entered the house and took off his heavy winter boots, placing them carefully on the rack before he went upstairs. He noted that it was fairly quiet, which was an unusual occurrence in the Briere-Giroux household. Usually, with three boys, Danny and Roo, it was a bloody zoo.

He puzzled about it as he headed to the rec room and got his answer when he saw a yellow post-it stuck to the door. He plucked it off and read the slanting, cramped script of Danny’s telling him that the boys were with their mother, Danny and Roo were out picking up groceries, that Alex was sleeping, and to please not have sex on the couch since his sons sat on it.

“Gaaah! Fucking Danny.” Jose muttered, his cheeks heating up as he crumpled up the paper and stuffed it in his jacket pocket to throw out later. There was no way he was going to throw that anywhere in the house and risk the kids reading it. It was bad enough that they had caught him and Alex making out on the sofa bed that one night, but if they got any hints that sex had happened on their couch, he was sure that he wouldn’t be allowed back into the house until after Alex was on his own again.

He shook his head and opened the door, his heart melting at the sight of Alex lying face down on the bed with the blankets bunched around his hips and just barely covering his lower half. His left arm was flung out to the side and his right was curled up under his head. His laptop was close to his pillow and books, correspondence with AHL and CHL letterheads, handouts plus notebooks were scattered all over the bed. His new Iphone was on top of one of his books and a crumpled schedule was underneath it.

Jose slid the schedule from under the phone carefully and looked at it closely. No wonder why Alex was sleeping surrounded by all his school stuff and was dead to the world at 5pm. He had just finished the last battery of exams he managed to get re-scheduled since he had been in the hospital during the finals. He sighed and wondered if he should go downstairs, or better yet, take off till tomorrow. He had known that Alex had stayed up pretty late, popping pain meds when the ache in his wrenched shoulder got to be too much, as he studied his eyes out the past weeks.

“I get scholarship, true. But if I not get into NHL, I need other work.” He had said when Jose had tried to coax him to get some sleep the few times that he had stayed over, stubbornly staying up and reading even though his eyes were bloodshot and his mouth was pressed in a thin line as he kept on reading until he fell asleep on his books and Jose had to pull him into bed to sleep.

So seeing him passed cold stirred all of his protective feelings. Yes, he had gotten through a difficult day at work that included fielding the desk and dealing with the crazy heads of other libraries and even an awkward meeting with Price and his baby daughter, but he didn’t want to disturb Alex’s sleep. He could always come and see him another day. Yes, it sucked, but he would survive.

Once he made his decision though, Alex stirred and raised his head. He shoved his hair out of the way and sleepily grinned at Jose. He sat up and Jose found himself returning the smile.

“Ah! I slept too late. Hang on.” Alex told him as he jumped out of bed and grabbed his jeans and rushed out of the room, leaving Jose puzzled for a few minutes before he came back. He was cleaned up and half-dressed, making Jose feel a deep burst of affection towards the man in front of him again.

It was crazy and strange, and most of the time, he wasn’t sure what he was doing. Or sure if Alex knew what he was doing either. But the one thing he knew was that Alex loved him. Beyond a doubt and he loved his Russian to distraction as well. It was weird and sort of awkward and sometimes stupid, but above all, it was home.

“Come here.” Alex told him, opening his arms to give Jose a hug. Jose moved into Alex’s embrace and closed his eyes as he was engulfed in his boyfriend’s arms.

“Welcome back, love.” Alex murmured in his ear.

And now, he didn’t hate Mondays, since Alex would be there to meet him at the end of them.

END.


End file.
